People ask me all the time about my foul mood during the Christmas season. It's not that I'm a Grinch. It's just Christmas holds a lot of bad memories and feelings for me.
You see a joyful happy time with family. I don't see that. To me, it's a reminder that I don't have an extended family that loves me. I have parents and a sister who are Jehovah's Witnesses who don't even talk to me unless it serves their purposes and that's only happened a handful of times in the last decade.
You see childhood memories. I see a childhood without Christmas and being sent to sit alone in the hallway during holiday parties or taking a failing grade in art class because I couldn't draw the Christmas pictures the rest of the class was working on.
You see time with loved ones. I see those that I loved have left me through death or choice and I can't spend time with them again. I see times with Bill and Edna when we had so much fun and they are both gone now. I see the Christmases missed with my kids. I see the year my son was in Boy's Town and I couldn't even get to him for Christmas.
You see parties and dinners. I see a nightmare where I'm required to interact with people who want to invade my personal space despite my PTSD.
You want to know what really sucks? People think bad of me because I don't like Christmas. I don't begrudge you your Christmas. I'm glad you had all these things and I'm glad they were wonderful. please don't judge me and those like me because weren't so lucky.
You see a joyful happy time with family. I don't see that. To me, it's a reminder that I don't have an extended family that loves me. I have parents and a sister who are Jehovah's Witnesses who don't even talk to me unless it serves their purposes and that's only happened a handful of times in the last decade.
You see childhood memories. I see a childhood without Christmas and being sent to sit alone in the hallway during holiday parties or taking a failing grade in art class because I couldn't draw the Christmas pictures the rest of the class was working on.
You see time with loved ones. I see those that I loved have left me through death or choice and I can't spend time with them again. I see times with Bill and Edna when we had so much fun and they are both gone now. I see the Christmases missed with my kids. I see the year my son was in Boy's Town and I couldn't even get to him for Christmas.
You see parties and dinners. I see a nightmare where I'm required to interact with people who want to invade my personal space despite my PTSD.
You want to know what really sucks? People think bad of me because I don't like Christmas. I don't begrudge you your Christmas. I'm glad you had all these things and I'm glad they were wonderful. please don't judge me and those like me because weren't so lucky.
posted from Bloggeroid
I went to a book sale at the local library the other day and there was a JW table set up there. I thought of you immediately. I seriously thought about going over and calling them out, but I don't think they would have understood. They seemed completely oblivious.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand and I do appreciate the intention. Unfortunately, as you already pointed out, most Jehovah's Witnesses would just give you the blank brainwashed stare in response to any commentary that made their precious publishing company look like they might be wrong.
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