OK, my title is a little coarse but you can take that as a warning that today has been a very bad day so if you are easily offended, see my very first post and hide your eyes.
"Why was it rough? What happened?", you say.
OK, I'll tell you.
I had to deal with a piece of my past that can truly grind my gears in a way few people could understand. This is one of those people who can never admit that they have flaws and any failure in their lives is blamed on someone else. Unfortunately, this particular character from my past chose to blame her failures on a five year old almost a decade ago and the boy is still suffering the fallout today.
My son has been in the hospital for a couple nights now. The nemesis of this story kept texting me and calling me. I wasn't answering because she was the main reason my son was at the hospital. Then she took things a step further and sent the local cops to my ex wife's house looking for me tonight.
That was the final straw. It was time to respond. And as expected, I listened to all the reasons that none of this was her fault. I'm frustrated and angry. I'm protective of my children. I popped.
I confronted her directly on why exactly she thought appropriate gifts for my soon to be 15 year old son included 3 toddler puzzles, a Sports Illustrated swimsuit calendar and a book of poems about the great relationship between a real mother and her son when she doesn't have this relationship with him at all. (It should be noted that this book made my son furious because he immediately saw the irony in it and he asked me to destroy the book so he didn't have to see it again. I didn't. I know one day he may want it so I put it away until that time.)
There were additional words passed and the conversation finally ended when I informed her that she ceased to be a mother when she blamed her suicide attempts and life failures on the boy before walking out of his life for years at a time. I've tried to be nice and let her have contact as her whims suited over the years but now that time has passed. She had begun to cause more severe levels of harm. Now is the time to protect my pack. Now is the time to say enough.
Why am I sharing this?
First, mental illnesses like PTSD and depression are kept quiet too often and have stigma attached to them. That should change and the only way to do that is to talk about then.
Second, this story might help someone else to realize that you have the right to protect your pack and yourself without being the bad guy. You don't have to be a victim or let your loved ones be victimized by an abuse any more. You can say no to mental abuse that leads to deep emotional scars that can cause devastation for years.
Third, it might help someone to recognize a pattern in their own behavior and break the cycle of abuse before they hurt their own child or loved ones in the way my child has been hurt. I sincerely hope this could be the case more often.
Finally, it's because I wanted to make a point that the family that loves you and protects you doesn't always have to be blood. My pack lives in two households. It consists of my ex wife (who is my best friend and mother of my children) her fiancée and my two youngest children in one home and my girlfriend, her son, my oldest son and myself in our home. This means there are 4 adults that love and protect our children who are a combination bio, step and unofficially adopted in and despite all those designations, they are just our children to us. If you have the chance to build a pack like that, I encourage it because it is a truly rewarding experience like the old adage of using a village to raise a child
Until next time, this is just my life, honestly.
P.S. The picture is from Imgur. I think it illustrates the point awesomely that sometimes what seems to be insignificant in the face of our own trouble can be devastating to another.
